Thinking Differently About an Upset Parent
Early on in my career as both a teacher and principal I encountered a number of upset parents. At times, some of them were livid, talking crazy we might say, and other times on the brink of losing their minds they were so upset. Stay in this profession long enough and you will eventually share a similar experience I assure you. We can argue whether or not we should have to tolerate such aggressive and inappropriate behavior, but one thing is for sure; parents not only have a right to show up for their child, but we should also expect them to advocate for their child. I think most would agree, however, the issue I believe lies in the way parents (and I am including all of us as educators) advocate for our own children.I have been thinking a lot about this topic recently as I work with educators who continue to struggle with how to deal with parents who are upset with a staff member, the school, or the system in general. Threats of bodily harm, lawsuits and social media posts asking for the removal of a teacher or principal is not an uncommon response these days from parents who wish to voice their displeasure with school personnel. The more time I spend discussing and working through possible solutions with educators on this critical topic, the more I am beginning to think differently about my own approach in dealing with parents who are unhappy with the results of a decision or response that was not favorable for their child.So here is my thinking.Parents don’t get upset at us because they don’t like us or they hate us, they get upset at us because they care about us (and/or the school) and they like us. Huh? Parents scream and curse at us because they like us? Maybe. Maybe not. But I am talking about influencing thinking here so hang with me. Imagine sitting on the couch (or at the actual event) watching your favorite athlete or sports team play. And on this particular day they aren’t meeting your expectations. In fact, they look abysmal. With each missed opportunity you get more vocal in both frequency and decibel level. You keep believing things are going to work out, that the results will be what you expected and that in the end you will come out victorious. And then boom! It’s over. You are not only upset because your team lost, but you’re angry at the way they lost. You begin to swear and yell at anyone who is around you that your team sucks and that you are done with them. Hmmm...sound familiar? You are livid at the way your team played, at the way they responded, at the end result. Kind of a like an upset parent who is disappointed at the way we sometimes respond. But you still love your team, your favorite athlete. You see, we root for those we love and at times we talk negatively about them when they don’t meet our expectations or disappoint us and we have learned that on occasion, parents will behave in the same manner towards us. When the next week rolls around, we show up for our team, ready to cheer (advocate) for them again. Our team forgives us for the way we behaved previously and we believe that the result will be different this time around.Maybe we just need to look at it differently. Parents are upset because they care. They are passionate about their child, their school, and this influences their behavior. When should we worry? When they just accept the result without incident because in that moment they either think it is not worth it, no longer care, or maybe because they’ve decided that nothing is ever going to change and they’ve decided to move on to a new team or in our case, move on to a new school. Either way, we lose. We lose due to apathy…the enemy of hope.And hope is all we got when it comes to dealing with angry parents. Maybe it’s time to think about our parent’s behavior differently. If all we have left is “that parent is crazy” or “they aren’t ever going to change so why bother”, then we are the ones in my opinion who are reluctant to change.Who is talking crazy now? Liked what you read and want to read/hear more? Subscribe to my YouTube channel and/or Blog or follow me on Twitter or Instagram.