LEADERSHIP COACHING: OWNING OUR DEFICIENCIES
Teachers. Staff. Can I be truthful and confess something? There are days when your principals don’t know what to do. They hesitate. They want to do the right thing, not only for the students, but for you too. But sometimes they don’t know what the right thing is they are supposed to do. They worry because they don’t want you to not feel supported. Sometimes they feel badly because they can see how tired you are, but they don’t know how to make you feel better. And there are moments when they fall short of your expectations and do or say the wrong thing. It’s true. We are far from perfect. We went into this role believing we were ready for the challenges that lay ahead of us, not truly understanding how complex they were and unable to comprehend the emotional toll that they would have on our well-being.
I hope my fellow administrators take my comments in the spirit of which they are intended. I feel your frustrations and understand your deficiencies and I appreciate them because I lived them. I wanted to be great for my staff, for our students, our parents and my own family, but I also know there were times I let them down. I am guessing that many teachers have at one time or another have experienced these same feelings. Rather than try and defend our responses to our own shortcomings, let’s try and give ourselves a little relief by remembering that we make more moment to moment decisions than most and in doing so, we will error unintentionally at times. However, we must be careful to not allow this to produce a kind of deficit thinking on our part. How can we begin to combat these types of negative experiences and cleanse ourselves of some of this deficit thinking?
Each week I share out 1 Reflection, 2 Ideas, and 1 Resource for you to consider that I hope will encourage you to explore new and better practices in your daily work. My aspirations are to support you and others in developing your skills and shifting your thinking so you will invest in your own development and maybe, just maybe I can inspire you to want to live your excellence so you can bring your best self to school every day.
Live your excellence…
Jimmy
OWNING OUR DEFICIENCIES: 121
1 REFLECTION
We are all a work in progress. We all have our good days, bad days, proud moments and not so proud moments. What we can do is commit to being just a little better each day!
2 IDEAS
One of the biggest challenges facing school leaders and teachers today is navigating a difficult conversation. Each response from a student, parent or a staff member requires us to elicit an appropriate response back. Many who have attempted to initiate such conversations can attest to the anxiety and worry that comes from the fear of saying the wrong thing. One misstep and these conversations can go sideways in a span of a few seconds. This is a real worry among educators and in my opinion, eventually leads to both teachers and administrators avoiding these necessary conversations all together.
Here are 10 practical steps to help you navigate these potential pitfalls:
Be willing to have a conversation with a student, parent or staff member, knowing that you may not have the right words to say. The first step in developing this critical skill set is to have the conversation.
Don’t make any assumptions that you know what the student or other person is thinking, feeling, or why they are behaving a certain way.
Speak from the heart. Be genuine and sincere in your approach.
Share with the individual that you hope they appreciate you are willing to have the conversation with them face to face and that your hope is that by bringing this to their attention it will reduce the potential for a bigger issue down the road.
Communicate your concern from your perspective and/or experience only. Leave others out of it unless absolutely necessary to share what others have expressed to you and then only with prior permission from third parties.
After expressing your concern, give the person adequate time to respond without interruption and listen with an intent to truly understand their side of the story with empathy and without judgement.
Don’t get caught up in wanting to be right or “win” the discussion. Stick to bringing the matter to their attention in a kind way so they can become aware of your concern.
Don’t feel like you have to resolve the issue in this first initial conversation. It’s okay to revisit the conversation again at a later time.
Recognize and be prepared that the student or person may not respond in the way you hoped. Don’t take it personally. They may just need time to process the information you just shared with them.
Follow up with the student or individual the next day and remind them again you have their best interest at heart. Trust they want to be better and then show them you still believe in them by working together to support them in their quest to do better.
I believe a sincere and genuine approach can go a long way in addressing concerns or issues with students, staff and parents. You still may fall short of resolving the issue in a way that leaves you feeling positive about the end result, but you will be well on your way to developing your skill set on how to address the behaviors in your classroom or organization that are hurting your culture when we fail to address them. All of us in education have a responsibility to take inventory of our deficiencies and to continue to work to improve our skill sets so we can be better for the students and school communities we serve.
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Early on in my career as both a teacher and principal, I wanted to solve every problem that came my way. Yes, it made me feel good that I was helping others and most of the time they appreciated it. However, what I eventually learned was that not only did the problems never seem to go away, they seemed to multiply ten times over to the point of exhaustion. Eventually, I began to see my students as a burden and my colleagues as weak. I was critical of them, as though somehow they were incapable of solving their own problems. Sadly, rather than help unleash my students’ and staff’s potential, I chose to harness them by placing such labels on them. How wrong I was to model such behavior.
Here are a few suggestions taken from LiveYourExcellence for you to consider to help propel your students and staff to becoming more independent and eventually more successful in resolving their own issues so they can help others resolve theirs.
1. See yourself and others as learners first.
2. Listen to concerns with the intent to understand, not respond.
3. Ask questions to gain more clarity. Don’t lead off with possible solutions. (Asking better questions will only come as the result of you being a better listener)
4. Spend more time in conversation. This shows others you value the relationship too.
5. Bring a third or even a fourth party into the conversation to model the importance of team resolution.
6. Value all opinions in order to help nurture an environment that values curiosity.
7. When others struggle to resolve their own issues, don’t stamp them with a label. Instead, ask them if they would be willing to partner with you to come up with a potential solution.
8. Provide ongoing support, time, and resources needed for a successful resolution.
9. Follow up with an encouraging word or note and then check-in again to recognize and celebrate the progress.
10. Encourage them to repeat the process with other similar situations they encounter to support and honor them in their growth as learners, students, teachers, and leaders.
For the most part, almost every dilemma you will encounter as a classroom teacher or a school or district leader will have a solution, it just doesn’t have to be you who comes up with it. Supporting students and staff in their quest to resolve an issue by focusing on a process to help develop their skills will go a long-ways in building your capacity and preventing you from completely depleting and exhausting yourself of your time and energy by trying to fix it all.
1 RESOURCE
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