A 4 Step Process to Help You Accommodate Requests, Complaints, and Needs and Grow More Leaders

Like most educators, I know that feeling all too well when you sit down at the end of a long day and in a matter of seconds find yourself dozing off. I recall having my share of thirty second naps during my 25+ years working in schools after sitting down to simply catch my breath. I am sure most of you can relate. How many times have you been shuffling along through your day when suddenly the end of the day dismissal bell rings and it dawns on you that you haven’t gone to the restroom the entire day? Or better yet, realize that your meal plan for a particular long work day consisted of twenty-two bite size snicker bars? Yeah, not good! Been there, done that.You ever wonder why we seem to fall into this trap?  How our daily lives as educators consists of taking care of everyone else and forgetting about taking care of our own needs? No judgement here. I get it. I think I even know why we do it. We care so darn much! We can’t help ourselves. It’s who we are. I’m guessing it’s in our DNA. Whether you are currently serving as a teacher or building/district administrator, it is easy to fall victim to this vicious cycle where you feel completely depleted at the end of your work day.  By the way, how is that working for you?The fact is there’s got to be a better way, a more logical approach to each day than running around trying to accommodate every request, complaint, and every need that comes along. For the first twelve years in my role as a principal I struggled in this area. I honestly thought that is what I was supposed to do – take care of everyone else’s needs, regardless of the toll it took on me. Isn’t that why I became an educator? To help others, to serve them in a way that made them better or at a minimum, helped them look good? This may sound good in theory and perhaps it has even served you well to this point, but if truth be told, I don’t think you can sustain that level for very long.  And if you try, you are going to pay a heavy price. I thought I could and I paid dearly and I don’t want that to happen to you or any other educator for that matter.Let’s face it, most of us don’t enjoy dealing with complaints. Why? Because they suck the life out of us. So if you find yourself tired of dealing with the needy and the complainers or in some cases, avoiding them all together, then maybe it’s time to try a different approach and even become a better listener along the way.Here are 4 steps to help you behave your way to a better result.

1. Listen. Sounds simple, right? In my experience I’ve found that most people think they are good listeners, but our behavior indicates not. How many times have we tried to listen to others only to find ourselves interrupting them in mid-sentence? Ever interjected an idea before they finished their thought? Ever given a reason why we couldn't do something? How about trying to “multi-task” while someone was talking to you? In my case – guilty, guilty, and guilty. Try this – focus on a person's every word, maintain good eye contact, and do not give your attention to any other tasks while someone is talking to you.
2. Ask a Follow Up Question. This sends a strong message that you are interested in what they have to say, regardless if they are sharing an idea, requesting something or making a complaint. Everyone wants to feel validated when they share a thought, idea or a concern.
3. Summarize What They Communicate. You won’t be able to summarize what the person has shared unless you are completely invested in what they are communicating. Repeating what you have just heard will earn you instant credibility and allow others to truly see you as a good listener. When you summarize, you personalize.
4. Ask What They Are Willing To Invest. This final question is the most crucial step in helping others recognize their own talents and empowering them to not only see themselves as problem solvers, but solution doers. By asking others what they are willing to invest to help you solve their concern gives people permission to lead and more importantly, keeps you from feeling depleted.

By behaving in a way that allows us to perform our duties as educators at a high level without expending ourselves to the point of exhaustion, we become healthier and more effective in leading our classrooms, buildings and districts.  When we give others permission and invite them to lead with us, we cultivate a culture where everyone sees themselves as leaders. What a tremendous feeling it is to help others in building their confidence so they can begin to feel capable of being more and doing more than they ever thought possible. CULTURIZE…. Every Student.Every Teacher.Every Principal.Every Superintendent.Every DayWhatever It Takes!